


Inaccurate Representation

by Viridian5



Category: Trinity Blood
Genre: Angst, Crack Fic, Humor, M/M, Meta, Tijuana Bibles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-12-21
Updated: 2007-12-21
Packaged: 2017-10-02 07:16:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Viridian5/pseuds/Viridian5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some things are difficult to fight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inaccurate Representation

**Author's Note:**

> Pre-reading by Bardsley and Syvia. Title suggested by Syvia. This story is far more manga- than anime-inflected.
> 
> This is my 400th completed fic. ::throws confetti::

"We've been getting some really odd looks since we've arrived," Abel said softly.

"Affirmative," Tres answered.

Usually he and Tres moved seamlessly and quietly through areas while on a mission, just two traveling priests of the Vatican, one very awkward, nothing unusual to see here. By contrast, since they'd arrived in this town a lot of the citizens stared at them in disgust, amusement, surprise, or... was that lust? All of the ones staring seemed to recognize them in particular, as opposed to them just being priests. Some giggled at them. Abel was sure some had _deliberately_ jostled them as they'd walked, although those got a surprise when they found out how self-damaging it could be to try to jostle the compact synthetic body of a Killing Doll. It was hard not to giggle when people bounced off slender Tres, especially with how tense all the staring left Abel.

Lady Caterina had sent them here pursuing rumors of an anti-Vatican propaganda campaign in process, probably started by the Rosenkreuz Orden. The reaction he and Tres had gotten supported the idea that _something_ was going on. Their apparently famous status would present some challenges in investigating, though.

Abel made himself look more cheerful and oblivious than usual and approached one of the people who looked disgusted. "Excuse me, madam. I'm looking for the Church of St. Anthony. Could you please give me directions?"

The woman nearly spat at him. "I'd give you directions to Hell, but I think you could find your way there on your own. And you're priests! How could you? Unnatural, the both of you!" Then she raced away as if being near him could contaminate her.

The word "unnatural" sent a chill through him. Did she know what he was? What else could she mean? If word had gotten out that the Vatican used a kind of super-vampire against other vampires, it would be very, very bad. As Crusnik, he was one of the Vatican's secret weapons.

"Unnatural" also sent a very personal pang through him. Although he knew himself to be a monster, it still hurt to be reminded.

"Father Nightroad?" Tres asked, Abel hearing concern. Tres actually had many shades to his monotone.

"I'm all right."

Tres' status as a machine wasn't as closely guarded a secret, but he still passed for human on many missions. It wouldn't be good to have that trumpeted to the world either.

"I could help you!" a teenager said brightly, while her friends giggled and some protested, "Lizabeth!" Her eyes had that lustful, acquisitive look, which set Abel on edge. "Go straight for two blocks, then make a left, then go straight for three blocks and make a right. It's the tallest building around here, so you can't miss it."

If he stayed oblivious, he could get through it. "Thank you, Miss Lizabeth."

"You're welcome. Can I get your autograph? Father Tres' too?" As she giggled and pulled what appeared to be some kind of periodical out of her shoulder bag, her gaggle of girls blushed, squealed even louder, and mock-protested with "Lizabeth!" and "Lizabeth, you're so _bad_!"

The girls shouldn't know Tres' name. They'd hit pay dirt. "I'm afraid that our boss doesn't allow us to."

"Lady Caterina? Of course, she doesn't."

Somehow that made the giggling and squealing worse. Not good.

"Can I see that?" Abel asked, pointing to the periodical. Normally Abel would play completely oblivious and wait to ask until he had more questions answered, but all the noise had already drawn a crowd made up of almost equal parts amused and disgusted onlookers. Perhaps the book would give more clues and do it in a quieter fashion.

Lizabeth must have finally learned some caution, or maybe the growing crowd made her uncomfortable, because she answered, "Sorry. Can't. I have to go. Bye!" She and her group rushed off.

The crowd caged him and Tres in a bit. "Please excuse us," Abel said, "we have to get to the church." Surely the church would be a kind of sanctuary. People parted to let them through, some more reluctantly and belligerently than others. Abel walked through, straight-backed and smiling and oblivious, with Tres solid behind him.

He picked up speed as he turned the corner. Tres kept perfect pace with him and said, "This is a security breach of major proportions."

"Yes. I'm curious to see what we'll find out at the church."

The nun who watched them walk into the church greeted them with, "You're the last thing we need!"

That was not the welcome Abel had hoped for. "Please, Sister, what's going on here?"

"You don't know?" She looked skeptical and disgusted.

"I assure you we have no idea."

"Sister Katherine, please. Calm yourself," a new arrival of higher rank said, eyeing them speculatively. "Welcome, Father. I am Mother Rita. Please follow me to my office."

"Thank you."

They'd made too much of a public spectacle of themselves already, not that the church had many people inside at the moment. Abel and Tres followed her, as did Sister Katherine.

Once they stood inside her office, Mother Rita said, "I hope you've been sent to get to the bottom of the recent situation. It doesn't reflect well on the Vatican or us."

"I'm Father Abel and this is Father Tres."

"We know. Most of the town and the surrounding areas are more aware of some members of the Church than they used to be."

"What's going on? We heard rumors of a propaganda push by an enemy of the Vatican but have no details."

"Sister Katherine, please bring us the confiscated materials."

"With pleasure, Mother." She dashed off, a look of almost malice on her face.

"Father Abel, Father Tres. Recently a new series of periodicals have been for sale here, but I didn't find out about them until some time after their introduction here. They're called Tijuana bibles, so I wanted to know more as soon as I heard of them. Father Abel, are you familiar with the term?"

His face must have given him away. "It's a term from old history. It might not be the same thing here." He hoped not, from how it could tie into the reaction they'd received on their arrival here.

"They were nothing like what I expected. They're actually pornography, drawn black and white depictions of sex that reduce Vatican figures to participants in filthy--" She had to visibly get a hold of herself. "I knew it couldn't be true to life. One of them features the Pope with his brother! Cardinal Caterina is depicted as having orgies with her subordinates! But the many buyers are not as sensible or strong in their faith as I am. They believe these drawings to be the truth of how the Vatican behaves behind closed doors. Or in public in some of these perverted stories."

...they really were Tijuana bibles. It fit with the Rosenkreuz Orden's sick sense of humor and nods to things of the past. "I presume that Tres and I have starring roles in some." He heard a soft crunch behind him as Tres shifted suddenly.

Mother Rita shuddered. "Yes, but I would prefer not to speak in more detail about the whole sordid affair. You'll soon see for yourself."

Sister Katherine returned with a box, and she dropped it onto Mother Rita's desk with a look of dark satisfaction. Full of dread, Abel opened it. The first book on top had a full-color picture of him and Tres wrapped around each other sultry-eyed and partly undressed in ragged uniforms, their crosses prominent in the arrangement. It was sexy and _wrong_. The shading was beautiful, though. From the smile on Sister Katherine's face, she might have put that one on top of the pile for effect.

Peering around Abel's arm, Tres said, "That is incorrect." To someone who knew him, he sounded almost shaken.

"...I think we might have been asked to autograph this earlier," Abel said softly. "Is this the only title we're in?"

"I refuse to look through all of them to know," Mother Rita answered as she pushed the box toward them. "The Vatican needs to address this before more damage is done."

"These are all the titles you know of? I need... to make a full report to Lady Caterina." He really didn't look forward to that.

"They are."

"How did you get these?"

"Confiscated."

"From whom?"

"We certainly wouldn't buy such filth."

Abel got the feeling that he wouldn't get anything more specific on the topic from her. Had the issues been confiscated from churchgoers? Priests?

"You're going to read all of them? How awful for you," Sister Katherine said.

"Sister Katherine, please," Mother Rita said.

Abel shook his head. "Tres was right in saying these are not correct. We're not like this, and we had no idea anyone was creating or selling things like this. Once I give my report, I expect the Vatican to respond swiftly. Do you have a room we can use to go through... this?"

"Yes. I certainly don't want you to do that here. Sister Katherine, lead them."

Wonderful. Nothing pleased Abel better than to carry a box of porn starring him and his friends and think of the report he'd have to make to Lady Caterina as a nun who hated them smirked all the while as she led them to... a drafty small bedroom with a single bed. Abel shot her a sharp look, but her smirk only deepened as she walked away and closed the door.

Abel set the box down, opened the door, and asked loudly in her direction, "Can I at least get some sandwiches? I'm starving! Some tea maybe?" but she continued through the hall as if she didn't hear him.

"I think she's in the wrong profession," Abel said softly once he closed the door again. Marking Tres as being unusually quiet, Abel asked, "Some friendly reception, huh?" But Tres was quickly going through the Tijuana bible that had been on top of the pile. "Don't look at that! It'll only get you upset."

"I am a machine. I don't get upset." But he looked upset. "This is riddled with errors. I do not work this way, nor do I have a copulation mode, nor do any of my parts vibrate in this manner. We do not liaise in this fashion."

"No, we don't." Abel wished he'd gotten a look at the interior before Tres had. Although he tried to take it out of Tres' hand he couldn't pry it from Tres' vise grip. "This has to be part of the propaganda campaign we were sent to investigate. These are lies created to discredit us, and the Rosenkreuz Orden even found a way to make a profit off it."

"All lies?"

Although Abel wanted to answer an unqualified yes to that, something in how Tres asked it made him rethink it. "I haven't seen anything beyond the cover. I would need to make a full analysis of the material. Of all of these."

"My lord is correct." Tres relaxed faintly and surrendered the porn.

Abel sat on the bed with the box, too aware of Tres alternating between watching over him and checking the door and window for sentry duty, walking a straight line back and forth through the room. Tres really didn't have sex programming even if he knew some of the things entailed, so this wasn't quite like looking at porn with someone else there, but it was still weird. What if Abel became visibly excited? He couldn't exactly excuse himself to the bathroom and stay there for hours. For one thing, Tres would track him down and guard him _there_.

Even for a life of insanity, this qualified higher than usual. _Dear Seth, my duties as a priest now involve me reading and looking at porn while someone watches me. Wish you were here. Love, Abel._

Really, now.

Seeing no way to make this less wrong, Abel decided to get started and opened the one pairing him and Tres. Right off, the plot--such as it was--blew their cover... no... exposed them... _no_... _revealed_ them as AX enforcement officers. Not good. The porn wasn't the only problem.

Crusnik wasn't mentioned at all at least, but in the narrative Abel had been injured and his clothes torn badly. He really didn't look that pretty in real life. Tres had been mauled and suffered ripped clothing as well. Abel came off as lost and dazed, and Tres comforted him in a kind, patient, and so helpful machine way that led to Abel... fucking him as Tres encouraged him on with many a "My lord, please." Even figuring that Tres' hips, pelvis, and anal areas had not been designed to do that nor the knowledge that he had _not_ been made as a human-shaped vibrator could get in the way of how hot and bothered it left Abel. Did Tres even have a working p-- Abel did not know, nor did he want to. Really.

Yet there was more to it than sex. There was affection in there.

Someone must have seen some actual footage of them because the art showed some familiar gestures they made. The way they talked didn't sound so far off. The creators might not know them well but had observed them closer than Abel expected. Feeling that the events were _possible_ even though he knew it had never happened, _could_ never happen since Tres had been designed to look human without making his interior similarly passable, left him feeling severely mindfucked.

This was psy-ops on a level he hadn't expected.

This was wrong. Wrong in so many ways.

"Father Nightroad?" Tres had stopped pacing to look at him.

Abel became aware of how hot his cheeks were, how fast his breathing was, and how hard he was, aroused over some fantasy of doing dirty things to a Tres who didn't exist while the Tres who did regarded him with concern. Would Tres notice and add those symptoms together? Would he say anything about it if he did? Tres could be very polite. Would Abel prefer to know if Tres noticed and understood?

It was all impossible. Tres would never be that... helpful in that way. Abel desperately wanted to shut away the dirty part of him that couldn't help looking at Tres differently now.

"It's not all lies." It horrified him how deep and husky his voice sounded. "The people who made this observed us closely enough to have a baseline for how we should gesture and talk before taking our images off into total fiction. This was constructed with some precision."

"I agree." Calculations seemed to go on at high speed during the flickering of Tres' eyes, and Abel swore he could almost feel it on a cellular level. He didn't know how much he could legitimately blame on the nanomachines in his body.

"The art is beautiful...." It made them look better than they did, and the compositions had been designed to draw the eye in the directions the author wanted it to go. It couldn't have been a cheap hire.

"Are you disgusted?"

He obviously didn't mean about the art, and Abel felt that weighted question like a body blow. "I'm... shocked."

Tres sat beside him, which did and did not help, solid and warm and smelling vaguely of leather, metal, incense, gun oil, and plastic. "Do you require assistance?"

What did _that_ mean? Abel's mind blanked as he gaped at Tres and his few remaining brain cells wondered what Tres' spiky hair felt like. The moment stretched, Tres' mild gaze seeming to get gradually more intense, trapping him, until Abel's stomach growled.

"You need sustenance. I'll return with food. No one will deny me." Tres stood. "I'll be back."

"...yes." As soon as Tres left, Abel flopped back onto the bed, put his glasses atop his forehead, and pinched the bridge of his nose hard. Idiot. He would return to the Vatican a lunatic at this rate. If Caterina found out about all this she'd find a way to skin him that not even a Crusnik could recover from and he'd _deserve_ it. At least his stomach being a bottomless pit had saved him this time.

Abel glared at the damned box and took out another issue. This one also showed him and Tres but featured rougher, more desperate sex, with Abel begging for punishment and penance. He had to retreat to the bathroom after that one, ashamed and shaking in his release. He told himself that the two issues had been a one-two punch, that he hadn't been touched in ages, that he was vulnerable from being so hungry, that he.... He was so glad Tres hadn't read that one. A lot of cold water splashed on himself later, he returned to the bedroom and the pile.

Cardinal Francesco sadistically sexually abusing his brother, the _Pope_, was almost a relief by contrast for being too chilling to provoke arousal, but Lady Caterina's orgy with everyone in the AX, himself included, left him aroused and outraged at once. As if she didn't get enough trouble from people about how attractive everyone in the AX was. Leon being Leon didn't help that reputation either. There were also many issues showing Caterina having one-on-one time with individual members as part of a series titled "Cardinal Caterina: She-Wolf of the AX." Full of dread, Abel had just opened the first of those, a story pairing Caterina with Sister Kate's body, when Tres returned with a tray of food and a cup and set it before him.

"My lord looks ill. You should stop. I could scan the material for content."

How tempting. But.... "You might miss the nuances. These... really mess with your head. Some of them are particularly nasty. At least Lady Caterina isn't presented with as much true-life detail, suggesting that the creators didn't get as close to observe her as they did us. Is there sugar for the tea?"

"It's already inside."

"How much?"

"13.25 teaspoons full."

As Abel sipped it, he found that Tres had indeed sweetened his tea to his tastes. Humans tended to refuse to dump that much in, thinking it'd lead to rotten teeth and diabetes. Not that he could tell most people he didn't have to worry about things like that.... He sighed happily as the sugar helped his strength and spirit, then started eating the sandwiches. Mmm, peanut butter and jelly: protein, carbohydrates, sugar, and some kind-of fruit. Everyone laughed at his appetite, and he could make do with less, but he really didn't run or think as well unless he fed one way or another.

"All of them have the same printing location listed inside. It's either truth or a trap," Abel said, feeling much better able to deal with this now that he'd started eating. "I doubt the two of us or any of the other better known AX agents could get anywhere near there. We may not be the best people for this one anyway. Mayhem and demolition tend to be our strengths, while the Vatican might try litigation first."

"Cardinal Francesco might apply the Inquisition, who would make us look like models of subtlety and restraint by contrast."

"True."

"This is like a virus. It must be deleted at the source and rooted out from the infected sites as well."

"I can imagine the Inquisition kicking down every door in town and the surrounding areas demanding the citizens hand over their porn." Abel set the tray aside and stared unhappily at the box again. He became even more unhappy as Tres reached into it. "Tres! Get out of that!"

At least Abel had hidden that one penance issue inside his small suitcase and placed his capelet and gloves over it on the chair, as if wrapping things around and putting things over it would limit its power. If he could avoid submitting that one as part of the evidence, he would.

Tres showed an issue to Abel. Its cover had a man and woman in the Inquisition's garb, the insignia prominently displayed, tangling tongues.

"Or the Inquisition might burn the entire area to the ground. Still, it's not our decision to make. We should give Lady Caterina our report first."

Tres tossed one over that had a cover showing Tres patient and nude on his hands and knees, wearing only a wide, heavy, studded dog collar, in front of Lady Caterina, who held his leash. Methuselah and those who worked for them called priests "dogs of the Vatican" but having _Tres_ done up like that made Abel worry that the Rosenkreuz Orden knew that some people intimate with the Vatican's inner workings considered Tres to be Caterina's "Iron Hound." It showed more data than the order should know or the Vatican would want put out in public, while also presenting it in a dehumanizing way.

Several thoughts flew through Abel's mind, but what did you say after seeing something like that? Something of outrage, something of comfort.... What came out of his mouth was "Cheating on me, Tres?" Stupid!

But Tres' expression remained mild, and he pulled another Tijuana bible out, this one featuring Abel entwined with Sister Noélle, his hand sliding up her bared thigh. Then he cocked an eyebrow.

"Touché." And Sister Noélle should never see that one, because Abel had the sinking feeling that she had feelings for him. "Tres, I'm sorry you got dragged into this."

"Your apology is unnecessary. You were not the perpetrator."

"Obviously, but this is so wrong, and it's not like you're going to get an apology from _them_." Could Abel actually read the monstrosity that had Tres in the dog collar?

Tres sat next to him, close enough that Abel could feel the warmth coming off him, making the bed creak. Oh no. He'd... gotten off and eaten, so why did he keep reacting this way? The moment of weakness should have been over and done. Abel stared at the floor. What a worn-out carpet....

When Tres set his bare hand on Abel's cheek and gently turned his face to look at him, Abel couldn't help leaning into it a little. He always appreciated how solid Tres felt. Well, not _always_, not when Tres needed to be dragged or hefted due to major battle damage to his body and Tres was heavy even for Abel's enhanced strength, but-- Abel didn't know what he was thinking.

Without his targeting, magnification, or infrared or ultraviolet scanning lenses up, Tres' eyes looked human hazel, deeper. "Father Nightroad." Then he blinked slowly without any further words for a while, just looking at Abel, until suddenly he came closer and Abel felt Tres' lips on his, not a simple graze, definitely a kiss.

It left Abel shocked and undone, melting. Not that he could have moved away easily with Tres' firm hand cupping the base of his skull and, oh Lord, toying with some of the loose hair at the nape of his neck. Tres' face and lips felt warm and soft, giving slightly with pressure. He didn't taste human, but he didn't taste unpleasant either. That flavor reminded Abel of centuries past, which brought a sting to his eyes and made him instinctively clutch at Tres.

When he opened his eyes he saw that Tres had his eyes open too, watching him closely. Evaluating his reaction? It made Abel very uncomfortable. He set his palms flat against Tres' chest and pushed at him. It didn't move him but should give a clear message. Ever considerate, Tres let go of Abel's head and mouth and shifted away a bit, enough to give some space. Thankfully. Abel had enough trouble thinking without the contact.

As he tried to eradicate his blush, Abel set his glasses back on his nose, needing something between him and his... partner and figuring that the lenses would give some illusion of it. "What was that about?"

"Testing new and possibly erroneous data. Also, you were kind, and you looked hurt."

The Professor would either be very angry or very intrigued if he heard about this. Given that he maintained HC-III X, a.k.a. Father Tres Iqus, Professor Wordsworth would probably get a briefing from Lady Caterina if Abel and Tres included this in the report, which Abel really didn't want to. But Tres tended to be very honest when questioned by Vatican authorities. Sometimes brutally so.

They would blame the porn and Abel. He knew misfortune dogged his path, but even aside from that people tended to be quick to blame him for things. Father Featherbrain. The Joker.

But _should_ he hide this new behavior from Professor Wordsworth? Tres might not be a child, but he still wasn't-- Abel didn't want to think about it. What was important was what was best for Tres. Damn. That sounded superior and high-handed too.

Also important would be what would prevent Abel's remaining brains from dribbling out his ears.

"Was it unwanted?" Tres regarded him with guileless hazel eyes. "It didn't seem to be."

How could he answer that? "Every time I get unhappy from now on you'll give me a kiss?"

Tres actually seemed to be considering it; Abel could just barely hear the whir. "Would it alleviate the unhappiness?"

"I should learn not to ask questions I don't necessarily want the answers to. What's in that book isn't us."

"I am well aware. The depiction is flawed and contains several inaccuracies, especially regarding my programming and physique. However, some of it corresponds to archived data and correlates to studies on the beneficial effects of touch on organic beings. Also, I was reminded that you touch me when you're concerned for my wellbeing, yet I do not initiate such contact with you when perhaps I should. Theories must be tested."

"I've never kissed you."

"Affirmative. However, once I touched your face I needed more extensive data."

This could lead to so many bad places. "And your conclusion?"

"You conspicuously relaxed until you became self-conscious, so the kiss and contact were beneficial. When held in such a fashion and kissed, you make sounds I've never heard you make before. Your hair is very soft, and your face has pleasing textures. You felt... good, my lord."

Gaping and blushing, Abel wished the bed could swallow him up and get him out of this conversation, out of his life, and out of a future in which he'd have to talk to Lady Caterina about a 200 kg Killing Doll who might try to physically comfort AX members. He was mortally embarrassed. He also felt obscurely pleased that he'd been a good experience for Tres.

Wait, had that been Tres' first kiss?

"I should probably start praying right now," Abel said.

Tres' mouth quirked upward a bit. "I won't sexually assault Vatican personnel. I lack the programming and parts."

"I'm glad to hear it." But Tres could actually still do things with his hands and mouth, and no, Abel was not thinking about this. He didn't want to be sitting side by side while looking at Tres as these things kept popping into his mind either.

"But I may have been presumptuous. I based my evaluation on your bodily response, such as posture and heart rate. Those can be instinctive and autonomous. I haven't asked your opinion. Did you like it?"

How should he answer that? "I liked it, but we shouldn't do it. You shouldn't do it with other people either."

"I wouldn't do it for everyone. There are very few people I would cheat on you with."

That didn't really mean what it would otherwise mean. Right? "You're very sweet, Tres, as ever." But, sweet as the sentiment might be, Abel wished they'd never opened this can of worms and started him worrying. He cast a resentful and defeated look at the box of porn.

"I doubt Cardinal Caterina expects you to read through a box full of pornography in her service."

Abel silently thanked the Lord for the slight divergence in topic to something less perilous. "It seems terribly weak of me to be vanquished by a stack of reading material."

"I know you don't wish me to read further, but there are other people in the Vatican we can direct them to."

"Porn experts in the Vatican?"

"People who don't know the targets personally."

"That may make a difference." Abel kept getting caught in a vicious cycle of outrage and occasional arousal and then feeling awful for being aroused over some of what was depicted being done by and to people he knew. The more he considered it, the more he thought that he might be missing important things from being so emotionally engaged. Looking at the situation that way, passing the porn to someone else seemed less like shirking or weakness and more like good sense.

"Will you take this course of action?"

"Yes. Yes, I will." Abel already felt some relief.

"Inform me when you're ready to give a report, my lord."

That killed some of the relief. "Of course, Tres."

As Tres waited, he stared at Abel with his usual mild-faced patience, which made Abel twitch with increasing discomfort. Finally Abel broke down and said, "I'll get it together faster if you're not scrutinizing me, Tres."

"Understood." Tres seemed to be about to move--

"It would also help if I didn't have to worry that at any moment you'll swoop over to physically comfort me."

"It is a worry?"

"Yes." But that sounded a bit cruel, so Abel mitigated it with "I couldn't think if you did that."

"It's that distracting?"

"Yes. Very." Starting to get the suspicion that Tres was hypothesizing again, Abel said, "I'm ready to make my report." He doubted that more time to think about it would make it easier to deliver or sound any better. "Let's take it straight to Lady Caterina so she gets to decide who knows and who doesn't."

"Affirmative."

Once they both stood, facing each other, Tres started the transmission. Over the connection, Sister Kate said, "Gunner, report."

"I cannot comply. The delicate nature of our news is for Lady Caterina's ears only. Please patch us through."

She sounded somewhat huffy as she answered, "Please hold."

Sister Kate liked to be kept abreast of everything and often had an advisory role with Lady Caterina. Abel wondered if Lady Caterina would let her know about the porn and her role in it later but rather hoped not, since he wished he had brain bleach just to get rid of the preliminary images he'd seen of Caterina using a strap-on on Sister Kate's comatose body.

"I'm here," Cardinal Caterina said over the connection.

"Reporting," Father Abel answered. "We found what looks like the propaganda push, although there may be more than this. However, the nature of what we've found makes us too well-known and conspicuous to investigate further here. A company has created a series of graphic pornography featuring members of the Vatican, AX, and Inquisition, even using the image of the Pope. School girls asked me and Tres to autograph an issue featuring us as a couple."

"This is an outrage. This must be addressed immediately."

"I quite agree. The characterizations are close enough to reality--aside from the porn--that I'm even more alarmed and it's difficult for me to read through all of it. Thus, there are psy-ops aspects as well as propaganda aspects to it. I fear I may be missing something for being too close to the people involved and too disturbed by what I'm seeing." That sounded professional. "I thought we should bring back the titles we're aware of for analysis and leave it to you to decide what action to take on it."

"I approve this course of action. Make the arrangements to return. Anything else?"

"No."

"Ending transmission."

"That wasn't so bad," Abel said once he felt sure the transmission had stopped.

"She'll interview us in more detail when we reach her office for debriefing," Tres replied.

"...I felt better about things for a fleeting moment." During the train ride back he could worry about what Tres would admit to under Lady Caterina's questioning. Oh, goody. "Let's get going. The sooner we leave Sister Katherine's hospitality, the better."

Abel put his gloves and capelet back on, while Tres put his gloves back on, returned all the books to the box, and picked up the box. At Abel's questioning look, Tres said, "Entrust the box to me, my lord."

"All right. Let's see if we can get something from Mother Rita to close it up with before we travel back. No need to give anyone a free show."

When they arrived at Mother Rita's office Abel said, "We're returning to the Vatican to report and get action. Can we get some tape to fasten the box shut with?"

Sister Katherine looked surprised. "Leaving already?"

As Abel taped the box he answered, "We're done looking through the books. It's not as if we were perusing them for pleasure."

"Farewell, Father Abel and Father Tres," Mother Rita said, as cold as when they came in.

Refusing to let this town beat him, Abel waved merrily as they left. "Goodbye!"

Tres took the box from him again as they departed from the church. After people kept rudely and deliberately shoulder-checking them through the streets, he also stopped politely asking people to move and just bowled them out of the way by walking forward through them ahead of Abel. Chivalry at work? Abel knew he should chastise him but couldn't help assigning points for each pedestrian taken out and feeling a mean thrill at watching them hit the ground. They should both be better than this.

As somebody managed to bypass Tres to "accidentally" ram Abel's shoulder and someone else got a grope in, Abel decided that they could both be a little malicious on the way to the train station.

By the time they reached the station Tres had knocked down about 20 people and Abel four. Tres handed Abel the box so he could have his hands free to buy the tickets. "You don't trust me with the money?" Abel asked as he watched. Tres merely gave him a look.

"I'm hurt," Abel murmured right before Tres left the counter with their tickets and the apparent expectation that Abel would follow him onto the train.

"Negative."

"I am."

"Given how many times you've been chastised for your excessive expenses, you should be callused by now, my lord."

"I'm sensitive."

"If you insist."

Tres had gotten them a private room on the train but a very small one, a compartment with a long bench on each side to sit and sleep on and little room between, thus nodding to frugality and security at once. Given how the town's citizens had treated them, it would be better to avoid the train's passengers.

Tres' eyes gave off a faint glow as he switched to scanning mode. "Room is secure." He stopped in front of the hot meal sitting on one of the benches and gave it a different scan. "Food is secure."

"Good." Abel closed the door to their compartment and took his dinner, comforted that Tres wouldn't say anything about how he'd just inhaled all those sandwiches so how could he possibly want more. It saved Abel from playing games that could get so tiring. Tres would chide him for lateness, idiocy that didn't help hide his Crusnik identity, or poor money management but otherwise let him be himself.

Although Abel could have used some distracting conversation on the trip back to the Vatican, they mostly traveled in silence. His own worries prevented him from being able to chatter for long in a way that lent itself to collaboration, while Tres had guard mode on and didn't initiate small talk anyway.

While Abel didn't look forward to explaining the porn in more detail, he also didn't know how he would deal with the Tres situation and whether he would report it. Was it anyone's business that Tres had kissed, held, and petted him? Judging from their talk, it appeared that Tres knew that the hurt/comfort scenario presented in the Tijuana bible was not something to emulate and he wouldn't start sexually harassing Abel or anyone else. Tres' programming hadn't been compromised; he remained sane. So who had to know?

Abel hoped the unexpected behavior didn't mean Tres had gone through some kind of mental breakdown and hoped he didn't actually need help. Abel wanted Tres to be well, but he also didn't want to feel that he was being patronizing toward the Killing Doll. Tres was a machine, not simple-minded.

Tres might say something. That danger remained.

"Father Nightroad, is there a problem?" Tres asked.

"No, everything's fine. I'm just lost in thought."

Abel's thoughts made poor company throughout the ride and during their walk to Lady Caterina's office. With how things had been going Abel half-expected to find the Professor with her for their debriefing, just to vex him. Fortunately, it didn't come to pass. She could be scary enough alone.

Abel set the box on her desk, and she cut the tape on it where she sat. "Welcome back, Father Abel, Father Tres," Lady Caterina said. "The news in your report was disturbing."

As Abel stepped back to stand with Tres, he said, "I had to give a short, circumspect version in case someone listened in. It's actually worse. I hated coming back and handing these off to someone else, but with our identities made so public and the nature of the material I didn't think I was as much good on the scene as I should have been. These are the books we have; there may be more." There was one more in his suitcase. "I wish you didn't look through them yourself, but I know you."

Lady Caterina looked paler and very angry as she started to page through the books. "I'm starting to see."

"They're called 'Tijuana bibles.'"

"Lovely."

"The town knew us by name. Many of them believed we had some actual connection to these books and even did these things. We were berated and even groped at times by strangers. People mainly taunted or toyed with us, and it hindered our ability to investigate. Our reception at the Church of St. Anthony was very cold as they half-believed we already knew of these books. Aside from how these periodicals are smearing the reputation of most of the Vatican's operatives, some cardinals, and even the Pope--"

"The Pope?" Her voice took on the edge of sharp steel.

"One depicts Cardinal Francesco sexually abusing him in a very sadistic fashion."

The sound she made under her breath could almost be a growl.

Abel continued, "Aside from all that, I'm worried by how much knowledge is shown of our looks and personalities. In a lot of cases I can believe the behavior being depicted by the people inside until the plot reaches the pornography stage. The creators _know_ us." For a moment he worried about having said that just after mentioning the book in which her half-brother sexually tortured their brother--she knew Francesco to be a bully but might balk at thinking of him as a rapist--but she gave no negative reaction. "That also made these very difficult for me to read, and I didn't want Tres to scan them either because of it."

"Understandable, and I see your point about the psy-ops aspect. You believe the Rosenkreuz Orden is behind this?"

"Very strongly, although I don't have proof. Most of us have been far too exposed," *_ahem*_ "by these books to investigate quietly."

"Yes."

"Tres and I also didn't know whether you would want to attack this from a legal, stealth, or kicking-down-doors way."

"I'm not certain myself yet. I'll investigate this further."

"Please keep in mind that this is what we found. There might be more going on that we couldn't get to due to the hostility we faced and how everybody knew us."

"I will. Thank you, Abel. Do you have anything to add to his account, Father Tres?"

Abel took a breath in.

"Father Nightroad provided an accurate representation to the best of our knowledge. We pooled our data before giving this report."

Thank God. Abel breathed out.

"Duchess of Milan," Tres continued, "reading these books appeared to be damaging to Father Nightroad. Please take that into account when you read yourself or assign the reading."

Threw him to the wolves. Thanks, Tres.

Lady Caterina gave Abel a very direct look, to which he responded in high fluster, "Seeing yourself doing pornographic things you know you haven't done is very disturbing! Seeing friends doing things you know _they've_ never done-- Besides, wait until you reach the 'Caterina: She-Wolf of the AX' series."

She twitched. "Caterina: She-Wolf of the AX?"

"I would never lie about something like that!" Maybe it hadn't been a throw to the wolves after all. It gave him an opportunity to lighten things up with his favorite mask... and distract her from Tres. Well-played.

"Dismissed."

"Thank you, Lady Caterina."

Tres inclined his head. "Duchess of Milan."

As they left the room, Abel reflected that things could have gone much worse and finally started to relax a little, although he didn't really start to unwind until he'd reached his room, set his suitcase down, and taken off his capelet. As he closed the door, Tres asked, "Has the matter been resolved to your satisfaction?"

"Short of those books never having existed, yes. I expected you to say something about...."

Tres waited for a while, but when Abel continued to nonverbally struggle for a way to phrase what had happened between them with the kissing and holding Tres said, "I reported all data related to the mission parameters."

"I see."

"Was my definition of such incomplete?"

"No! You were correct." If... snuggling became a problem in the future, Abel could always report it then.

"You're still on edge."

"Give me time."

Instead of giving him time, Tres grabbed and kissed him. Abel couldn't find the will to object, especially not once Tres took the ribbon out of his hair and started to stroke through it with one hand, which felt particularly wonderful. But then Tres pulled him in closer against his chest, which pushed Abel up against the thick chain of Tres' rosary and the various bits of metal ornamentation on Tres' uniform, which hurt a bit and immediately caught on Abel's. The porn creators hadn't thought of _this_. It amused him that their uniforms helped protect his virtue.

"Tres, this kind of hurts...."

"My apologies."

Tres stopped whenever Abel asked him to, so Abel wouldn't have to give up completely on being touched. There wouldn't be a problem.

As they tried to separate, they discovered that the smaller links of Abel's rosary had tangled in and between the larger, chunkier links of Tres'. As he struggled to extricate himself, Abel murmured, "This is ridiculous. Or fate. You'll drive me crazy, Tres."

"Experience suggests that's a short trip, my lord."

"I'd be really hurt by that if getting my hair stroked didn't feel this good." Tres had started that again when Abel had sighed over getting caught on him. It felt very soothing. Tres' new ideas on Abel care had some merit.

"I'll retain that data."

"Thank you, Tres."

 

### End


End file.
